A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim).
Here are some ways to be dutiful to the Mothers;
1. Choose an appropriate gift for each occasion and present it in a happy way to oblige her to accept it.
2. Open a bank account in which all of her children share paying a lump sum in order to cover her needs.
3. Understand the different stages of life that your mother is going through, and treat her accordingly.
4. Carefully select the appropriate words to use when talking to her to prevent her from feeling hurt; and, do not utter even one word or expression of disrespect.
5. Ensure that she is the last one to see you off when you are determined to travel, and show her love and affection to her; and if she is in another country, then at least call her.
6. Likewise, ensure she is the first one you meet when you return from a trip, and you should take into account telling her in advance of your arrival so as not to surprise her.
7. Call her on a daily basis when you are abroad, even if only for a few seconds, since it is a source of happiness for her. Ease her, relax and relieve her concerns and keep her away from being sad.
8. Take care to meet her on a daily basis if she lives in the same town as you, and try not to let the distractions of your daily life take you away from meeting her.
9. If she does not live in the same country as you, then you must contact her on a daily basis, no matter what.
10. The best way to get closer to her heart is to endear whom she likes; for example, as her children are the dearest people to her, then be gentle and helpful towards them.
11. Kiss her head and hand when meeting her since it is a great way to make her happy, and it is a wonderful way to show your appreciation to her.
12. Teach your children about the importance of the high status your mother holds, in both word and deed; be a good example for them when you deal with her in order for them to follow in your footsteps.
13. Take care to fulfill her requests and fulfill her requirements at the required time - this will bring you closer to her and prevent her from becoming angry.
14. Keeping your promises to her is a must, otherwise do not make promises to her.
15. Attribute any success in your life to Allah, The Almighty, then to her, as it will make her happy and proud of you.
16. Do not argue with her even if you are right; try to use the easiest way to convey your message or your opinion if there is a genuine interest; but if you are merely arguing your point, then give it up.
17. Do not underestimate her opinion before your brothers, sisters or people whether she is present or absent, because it is evil speech the mentioning of which she would hate and it would be an act of disrespect towards her.
18. Do not be disrespectful towards her nor belittle her in any way due to her unawareness of some aspects of life. Rather, you should try to positively correct her without harming her.
19. Avoid laughing loudly, raising your voice when you are with her, looking angrily or miserable in her presence or mentioning what she dislikes.
20. Make her the first one to know about the good news in your life, and reveal your secrets to her because it is a good means to capture her heart and make you very close to her.
21. Take care of her health; if she is old, provide her with the required health equipment such as blood pressure monitors and diabetic equipment.
22. Make a checkup program on a monthly basis to check on her health.
23. As every age has different requirements, try to provide her with anything she needs accordingly.
24. During her illness share her pain, and when she recovers, show your happiness and put your hand on the place of the pain and recite verses of (ruqyah).
25. In the event that she becomes sick, give her hope that she will become better; and be careful of talking about the possible ill fate of her disease or of a similar condition, or any relevant bad news that may cause harm to her.
26. In the event that she becomes sick, bring the doctor to her, or take her to the doctor if she is able to go, and explain to the doctor the importance of giving her hope about her case.
27. Support her in keeping ties of kinship and visiting her friends, as this results in making her happy. Keeping ties of kinship is a means of elevating your rank in the sight of Allah. And, do not forget to buy her relatives and friends gifts.
28. Provide her with a special box where you can put some items for children, such as chocolate, toys and gifts, so she can present them to her grandchildren when they visit her.
29. When she goes on a long trip, try to call her every short while to check on her until she reaches her destination.
30. Do not mention your painful or unpleasant incidents to her as it can be a source of sadness for her.
31. Do not engage in marital disputes in front of her because this will disappoint her; so, part of being kind to her is to try to make her oblivious to this nuisance.
32. Neither praise your wife too much in the presence of your mother, nor tell her about your life with your wife or what you always give to your spouse as a gift; try to maintain a balanced relationship between them.
33. Do not reveal detailed information about your relationship with your mother to your wife. Exalt the status of your mother and do not belittle her. Strengthen the relationship between your mother and your wife.
34. Avoid judging between your parents in their arguments. You need not do so, be neutral outwardly, and work on advising and guiding covertly.
35. Do not criticize her appearance, choices, mood, style or her way of dealing with people; if you become concerned that people would notice, then advise her gently.
36. Maintain a strong relationship with your siblings. And, if there are no disagreements, this should not be in the sight or earshot of your mother as it results in grief and misery for her.
37. Whatever the circumstances of your parent’s marital relationship, don't support your father in marrying another wife; however, if you deem it necessary to support him to re-marry, then keep your support for this as a secret .
38. Teach her about the religion wisely and in a beautiful way of preaching, either by giving her cassettes, CDs or taking her to associate with religious companions, attending religious study seminars, and beneficial religious lectures.
39. You should help her in attending the sessions of dhikr by transporting her to that place and providing her with the schedule pertaining to these sessions.
40. The best time to be dutiful to your parents is during worship. For example, in pilgrimage be completely subservient to her, be extremely kind to her and enjoy serving her.
41. Apologize to her on behalf of your siblings whenever they do something to upset her, and praise her for the
way she brought them up. Anytime something like this happens, try to explain that it is merely the whisperings of the devil.
42. Do not exaggerate the mistakes and faults committed against her by her relatives, friends, or her children, but reduce the effect of these mistakes as this minimizes her pain and it keeps the status of her beloved relatives and friends.
43. Do not tell her about sad news or terrifying catastrophes without preparing her for the bad news in a way to minimize the impact. Also, remind her about the reward of patience.
44. Naturally, women, regardless of their age, love emotional and sentimental words, so do not hesitate to give her the best of what you can in this respect.
45. Do not make her feel that she has grown old or is unable to perform her domestic duties, but inspire her by saying the words that enhance her self-confidence.
46. Do not deprive her of anything loved by women, even if she is old, such as perfumes, cosmetics or evening gowns, and help her to rejuvenate her youth.
47. if your father has more than one wife and they have a disagreement with your mother, don't praise their decision or support their opinion at the expense of hers; avoid being judgmental or talking in this regard.
48. Do not show a lot of appreciation in your mother's presence concerning the way other people raise their
children because doing so shows that you are dissatisfied about the way she raised you.
49. When she talks, pay full attention and focus your heart and sight on her; smile at her when she tells jokes, and react appropriately in a sad situation.
50. Meet her smiling, joke with her respectfully, caress her gently. Do not be a burden on her, and in difficult situation be serious, concerned and alert.
51. Inform her about any updates surrounding her in this world and narrate to her the best of stories. Tell her what makes her happy because mothers desire conversing with their children.
52. Always praise her for your good upbringing, and be grateful to her for her hard efforts. There is nothing easier than saying thank you.
53. Inform her that you greatly desire for her to live a happy life, and that she is well pleased with you, and that you want to be the source of her happiness.
54. If her parents are alive do not be lazy to support her in being dutiful to them, and if they are dead make more charity and pray for them.
55. Make endowment for her resulting in increasing her rewards in the hereafter such as contributing to build mosques, sponsoring orphans or memorisers of the Qur’an, helping the poor and needy etc.
56. When she mentions any of her wishes or anything she desires, do not wait until she requests it from you but take the initiative and help her achieve her wishes as much as you can.
57. Give her the most priority of anything over your work, and even your children and your wife.
58. Be generous to her in your house, ask her to visit you very frequently and persuade her to sleep in your house – these things all change her life.
59. Take her with you on a journey with your children, your brother and sisters, and seek the way that penetrates the happiness into her heart as it refreshes her in life.
60. From time to time take her with whom you love to have a meal in a luxurious restaurant, but note that this type of activity will not suit every age group. If she rejects, then try to convince her.
61. Visiting malls or big markets might make her happy; so, why don't you try to have her achieve that.
62. Present her a gift in order for her to give it to your father, which is righteousness to your parents.
63. Being grateful and kind to your father is something that will make her proud of you.
64. Your appreciation of her treatment and management of her house as well as her services to her husband / your father motivates her, raises her spirit and enhances her confidence.
65. Girls are generally closer to mothers than boys, the girl should keep her secrets, and reveal their secrets to her, and try to understand her thoughts and treat her as if she is a friend of theirs.
Prepared by; Ustaz Sulaiman Saqeer
Translated by; Ustaz Mubarak Ibn Haadi
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